“Dont’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.”

-Erma Bombeck

“Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms should be white? Certainly not a mother.”

-Erma Bombeck

“What’s with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest it you asked directions somewhere?”

-Erma Bombeck

“God created man, but I could do better.”

-Erma Bombeck

“The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.”

-Erma Bombeck

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”

-Erma Bombeck