“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

-Groucho Marx

“Before I speak, I have something important to say.”

-Groucho Marx

“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesteday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”

-Groucho Marx

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”

-Groucho Marx

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”

-Groucho Marx

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”

-Groucho Marx